This is pretty much exactly what I had in mind -- but too short!
ConCrit: This sentence:
He didn’t notice anything until that night, that night when suddenly he was not being hit by the killing curse, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him was instead.
is a bit convoluted, grammatically. Here's a free re-edit:
"He didn’t notice anything until that one night, that night when the killing curse was aimed at him. Suddenly there was Snape, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him instead."
keeping the repetition because I figured you like it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-07-26 07:33 pm (UTC)ConCrit: This sentence:
He didn’t notice anything until that night, that night when suddenly he was not being hit by the killing curse, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him was instead.
is a bit convoluted, grammatically. Here's a free re-edit:
"He didn’t notice anything until that one night, that night when the killing curse was aimed at him. Suddenly there was Snape, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him instead."
keeping the repetition because I figured you like it.