Drabble: Harry Never Noticed

[januarium]

I just wrote a drabble, because someone on the Snape_Lupin community was asking about snupin from someone elses point of view and this popped into my head.

Title: Harry Never Noticed (If you have a suggestion for a better title, tell me)
Rating: PG or G.
Warnings: Character death
Ships: Snape/Lupin
Disclaimer: They're not mine, JKR's.
Words: 200
Summary: Harry was too caught up with himself to see anything else. MAJOR SPOILERS for HBP.



Harry Never Noticed

Harry didn’t notice Remus seemed to become distracted during order meetings, whenever that murdering bastard Snape was mentioned. He didn’t notice the look of worry he got, or that he had more information then ever before. More then Greyback would ever give him. He was too busy to see anything beyond his own need to finish his quest, finish Voldemort. He didn’t notice anything until that awful night, that night when the killing curse was aimed at him. Suddenly there was Snape, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him instead.

He noticed when he went back to tell Remus. When Harry was told that he couldn’t give them as much information any more, with a tear in his eye. He noticed then, that the werewolf who had only ever shown emotion over Dumbledore’s death could not look him in the eye. He noticed when he saw he was a broken man, but by then Harry couldn’t care any more. When he saw Remus could not look anyone in the eye and would not speak unless it was necessary, Harry noticed. He told himself it was betrayal, there had been no redemption, and tried to believe it.

Comments

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

This is pretty much exactly what I had in mind -- but too short!

ConCrit: This sentence:

He didn’t notice anything until that night, that night when suddenly he was not being hit by the killing curse, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him was instead.

is a bit convoluted, grammatically. Here's a free re-edit:

"He didn’t notice anything until that one night, that night when the killing curse was aimed at him. Suddenly there was Snape, Snape in a death eater’s mask, jumping in front of him instead."

keeping the repetition because I figured you like it.

[dora-the-nymph.livejournal.com]

Thanks, the concrit is good, that sentence was different, but when I cut a bit out so this was exactely 200 words I didn't really fix it up. I'm glad you liked it. I'd have written something different, but I would never trust myself to finish it.

[sidra]

sigh. poor remus. so sad.


(btw, there's an extra 'told' in this sentence: He noticed when he told went back to tell Remus.)

[dora-the-nymph.livejournal.com]

Thanks for pointing it out, I fixed it.

and *huggles Remus*

[rayvyn2k.livejournal.com]

Lovely and so sad. Of course, I love it that Snape was redeemed!

[dora-the-nymph.livejournal.com]

Snape has to be redeemed. I'm glad you liked it.

[drusillas-rain.livejournal.com]

oh, so sad...

[dora-the-nymph.livejournal.com]

I know, I don't know where something so tragic came from.

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Yes, and yes, yes.

[snegurochka_lee]

Ooh, lovely! Drabbles are so difficult to write - you get so many points for even attempting one! Harry's POV is so interesting, what he sees and doesn't see, and what happens when the distance between the two narrows. Very nice!